Porn

"You're a pornographer!"

That exclamation mark just doesn't do it justice. He said it with such vigor and excitement and... well, ironically a little bit of respect. This was over the phone with @misterclarkrogers of tumblr before we met a month ago. He suggested we chat before we meet just to get to know each other and feel it out to see if we're a good fit. You know, get over any of the awkwardness beforehand since we were planning on shacking up together for a couple of nights.

It was a good call - quelled any fears that I was making a mistake. And honestly, the only thing awkward was my relationship with the word "pornographer." He said it with such enthusiasm that I just wasn't sure if I could live up to the conceit that he held. It was something both artistically subversive and politically extravagant, an intentional ruffling of the status quo. No doubt about it, this blog is about pornography but I somehow feel that it's less about promoting a subculture than it is more about a teenager telling a dirty joke to a couple of chums while hidden underneath the bleachers all... and all that under the pretense of some sort of artistic aspirations.

That's where the awkwardness starts. I mean, I really hope I'm not falling into the trap of Trump. Just fucking saying shit that flies off the top of my head without any context of reality, saying things that are politically incorrect just to get a rise. Fuck Trump. Fuck him and the xenophobia that he promotes. I don't wanna even remotely emulate his tactics, so I don't wanna be the guy telling the dirty joke and having people hop on my bandwagon. But at the same time, the flipside to all that is me doing what I do for some sort of grandiose delusion of artistic expression which seems kinda cliched and irks me as well.

Not to say that porn-art isn't interesting. I just haven't responded to it well. For some reason, I get restless and... kinda bored. Like the movie Short Bus? Meh. And then I saw Bruce LaBruce's gay skinhead zombie fuck flick and I was also kinda meh. And even when you rewind and one of my friends who was always on the forefront of everything (he went into baking as an outlet of his artistic expression before all these celebrity bakers started popping up, was an unapologetic hairy cub in his late teens before the representation of such was popular in the media, etc) made an indie flick that toured the queer film festivals that explored pain play, I was preoccupied with me enthusiasm for my friend than with enjoying the film itself.

So on the drive into work today, I was contemplating what I would do as a true porn art project. I think what I came up with also stems from another conversation I had with @misterclarkrogers regarding aging and how to age gracefully. It'd basically be a short where two guys hook up. The bottom would be a furry that's into pup-play, a gaymer with tons of anime drawings on the wall and maybe some Pokemon stuff lying around. The visiting top would be an older guy that immediately judges the "kid" for his rather adolescent interests but then after play realizes that the bottom had all the control. It'd be a short playing with the conflicts in inter-generational play where each perspective is unique yet rich with insight.

Problem is, I suck at filming stuff. I can't frame anything right and the lighting is always wrong. Then I thought I could turn it into a social experiment where the script is open and strangers all film it with their own perspective and it's all edited into one linear story. And that'd be yet another way to articulate the idea of the beauty in sex. A community that hardly ever formally coalesces, but still at it's core the result of pairing individual rich perspectives in an intimate way.

So as I was driving, I was thinking about all this and fantasizing about it as I inched along the freeway. I them realized that these concepts are in itself my own little niche pornography. So I had to document it here.

Because I'm a pornographer.