Sunday, June 7, 2015

The choice in rough play

Every now and then you see a person't insecurities play out before you. And then they say they want it rough. Real rough. They want to be abused and now you're faced with a choice. Do you play with those insecurities or not?

I was in Vegas for a conference and a kid from WI hits me up on Grindr. The conversation turns really raunchy quickly. It's the whole sin city thing. Everyone is a visitor. All inhibitions are lost. His limits are few and I'm keen on getting together. It's been awhile since I've really let go. He balks a bit when I ask for a body pic. He's seen several of mine so I press and he offers one up that's a bit hard to make out but I still invite him over. He ditches his friends at another casino with some lame excuse and makes it over to my room where I find out why he didn't want to send a body pic. He's not huge by any means. In fact, I've played with Chubs that are several sizes bigger. But I can tell he's insecure about it. And maybe I'm reading into it, but I sense he's got some issues being gay in a small town. He's bleached his hair really, really blond. A couple piercings. A style that's defiant in a really tentative way.

Over the course of an hour, I pull his hair, fuck my cock down his throat until he's gagging, slap him around, put him in a choke hold, He's a mess of body fluids both his and mine. Snot, tears, precum, saliva. All over. And he's rock hard throughout. I munch on his nips. Alternating from hard chew to soft massages and flicks with increasing intensity until I'm gnawing at them raw. I'm sure they're going to scab over in about two days. He'll feel me for the next five any time a breeze hits his way and his shirt rubs against the nubs.

And as I fuck my meat into him, I start calling him names. Some are rather innocuous. Others I know will hit home. His size, sexuality, appearance. He flinches at the words more than he flinches at my assault on his ass. Raw. Minimal lube. And I note that he's still hard throughout and grab his cock. He shakes his head no. That's a good sign He still is aware of himself and his needs even if just barely in the periphery. So I instead use that hand to pinch his nose and cover his mouth. Not enough to really cut off air supply. It's more of a symbol more than anything else. And he's all but sobbing into my hand as I launch an onslaught of verbal terror that rivals the physical pounding of his ass. And as much as I hate to admit it, the reaction turns me on and I fire deep into his ass. I normally can't keep up being verbal and physical at the same time. I get a little too cerebral and it like's patting your head and rubbing your tummy. Just an awkward combination. But this time I shoot hard.

I roll over. Exhausted. And pull him closer to me. Stroking his back. Trying to get him out of the sub headspace he's in and nuture him a little. He won't let me touch his cock, which finally starts to deflate. He pulls away. He denies himself still. I'm still not sure if I made the right choice in exploiting his insecurities or going as far as I did physically.

A few hours after he's left, I noticed that he's blocked me on Grindr.


BlkJack said...

He asked for it. Did you enjoy yourself? Sounds like you did.

Anonymous said...

He might be embarrassed that he went so far but I'm sure he'll jack off to your scene for time to come. It would have been nice if he could have cum too -- but that might have not been part of his scene.

You paint such vivid picrues -- I can play the videos in my head. Thank you!

Paul, NYC

Bruce Chang said...

Hey BlkJack/Paul - Yeah, I'm sure he liked it, but I couldn't help but think back to an old novel/memoir from John Rechy - The Sexual Outlaw. Basically, a guy that cruises in the 70s for anonymous sex. He's pretty open, "loose morals", hustles sometimes, etc, but one thing he hates are guys that fetishize cop uniforms because it perpetuates this notion of inferiority by holding those that brutally bully in high regard, that it's internalized homophobia kicked up a few notches by desiring the ones that subjugate you. Of course, the natural objection to that could also be that people are twisting the power play around by making it sexual, making it the exact thing that the oppressors despise.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see you're conversant with John Rechy's oeuvre. He has lots to say about internalized homophobia. In fact, his characters (are they he himself?) seem to suffer from it quite a bit -- not wanting to display desire, but making himself available as an object of desire. Gives one lots to think about!

Paul, NYC

BikeGuy said...

Marry me???

Bruce Chang said...

Seeing as how your idea of marriage will be quite unconventional... Sure! ;-)