More... and less

"Come on, please?  Do it for me?  I'll make sure you have a good time," I tell TheTwerker.  I'm trying to convince him to go to a house party that I just got an invite for.  I've been to a couple of them and have even written about one awhile back.  It's thrown by an Asian guy with a really hot, lean ripped body.  He shares the house with a bigger bear of a man that is never around when these parties are thrown.  However, they also throw parties together that are more social in nature but catered to the bear crowd.  I've been to those too.  And those are more about hanging around the pool, cruising other guys and possibly taking them to the back room designated as a play space.  Just a different feel from the all-out sex party I'm trying to convince TheTwerker to go to.

"I don't know," he says.  "I'm actually really shy and self-conscious about my body."

I wanna slap him.  Over the phone.  But all I can muster is slapping the phone against my forehead.  He has a naturally thick body, but he's far from out of shape.  Not to mention, he has the hottest bubble butt around.

"I'll invite GeekyCub.  At least that way, even if you don't find anyone interesting, the three of us can play."

But I get the same response.  GeekyCub is self-conscious about his body and is hesitant to commit, though I can sense he's very curious.

"But you're hot as hell!  Your body type is totally 'in' right now.  Quintessential bear stud.  With a nice, thick cock."

"Well, yeah, I know YOU like my body but there are those that don't and our community isn't always very kind."

This news is actually kinda new to me.  For both TheTwerker and GeekyCub.  I've always had a good time with these two and since we've had a threeway before, I actually was kinda surprised about their reservations about playing in a larger group.  I made a mental note.  I'm gonna need to nurture the inner stud of these two.  They're cock-blocking themselves and I just can't have that.

Well, after lots of persuasion, they agree to go and fast forward a couple hours, we're rolling through the door.  I greet the host and start stripping in the common room almost immediately just to guide my buds and sorta lead by example because there were a few people walking around fully clothed or stripped to their boxers but with their shirts on.  The host has a rule that he doesn't enforce, but he wants everyone to their underwear.  A means to get the right tone from the start and a vibe that facilitated more action and less cruising.

There are basically three rooms available.  One was the common room/dining room where people were storing their stuff, the other was the living room where there's a giant screen showing some porn, and finally a bedroom that had a curtain instead of a door to block off the light as people come and go from the room.  We started in the porn room and all sat down.  A lot of guys sitting and staring at the screen.  I had GeekyCub to my left and TheTwerker to my right and just started to idly feel them up while we watched.  A few guys start streaming in and one is this beefy cub type with an adorable face.  We make eye contact and he pulls up a piece of floor next to us.  Lots of people grabbing their own crotches and I move my foot over and start feeling up the new cub's calf.  Basically playing footsies.  He starts to play with GeekyCub whose amenable and then starts to scoot over so he's between us.  The kid's hungry.  He doesn't waste any time hauling both our coks out to alternate between the two of us.  GeekyCub pulls him off though.  The excitement is a bit too much.  A tall, toned Asian guy in some Andrew Christian briefs joins the group forming around us and starts to move the cub's head over to me and guiding it down.  Ah.  The director type.  ACBriefsGuy starts quietly spewing porn dialog as encouragement, a whisper that sounds like megaphone-assisted in the otherwise silent room.  The cub gets up from his knees to kiss me and I go one step further and grab him firmly by the waist and hoist him on top of me so that my cock is nestled neatly against his asscheeks as we make out.

My cock starts to pulse precum against his ass.

"Yeah, I want you to fuck your big cock into him and breed his ass," ACBriefsGuy says looking straight into my eyes.

My cocksucker hesitates for a second before resuming to make out with me and then breaks free to whisper in my ear, "You got condoms?"

I nod and he hops off me and makes his way to the dark bedroom while I go back to the common room and rummage through my bag for some condoms and lube.  When I finally caught up with him in the bedroom, there were about a dozen guys already there standing against the walls and idly playing with their bulges, various states of undress.  I'm just surprised that nobody has started playing yet.  But you know me.  I'm not shy.  And I'm don't mind being the catalyst to get the party started.

I reconnected with the cub and make him kneel before me and nurse on my cock some more while I rip open the condom.  Then toss him onto his back onto the bed.  While staring right at his eyes, I slap my cock on his ass and start to tease his hole.  And before he can warn me about how tight his hole is, I'm already up his ass full tilt and his eyes widen and he moans the sound of fulfilled desire involuntarily.  I show off a little.  I pull his legs up and fuck up into him while supporting some of his weight in my tight grip.  I slow to a glide that goes all the way in and out so that he can feel my length.  I lean into him with one hand on his chest, a grip just below the neck with a slow deliberate withdrawl followed by a rough fuck in so that our flesh meets with an obscene smack that thunders through the room.  There's a point where I notice that his eyes come back to focus and he looks around the room.  He wants to be spit roasted but nobody is taking the bait.  I'm surprised as well.  Pretty soon, I find his cock with a free hand and stroke him in time to my fuck and he starts to complain and I shake my head.  His body his mine now.  And he's going to acquiesce to my will and cum.  He shot hard.  He wasn't even finished cumming when he let out a little chuckle and a "oh fuck."

And that was it.  Just a room full of onlookers.

It was kinda awkward.  Just a bunch of silent onlookers.  The cub felt it too.  Felt the need to address everyone.  So he said, "This guy...  He knows how to fuck.  Holy shit!"

I laughed. "Dude.  You're supposed to set the bar low for me."  Didn't quite break the ice.

And that was pretty much the tone of the whole night.  I went to check in and TheTwerker had seen me fuck but then returned to the porn room and just kinda hung out by the couch.  GeekyCub watched a bit and was hard as fuck too, but quickly shied away from anyone that gave him attention.

I went back to the bedroom and ACBriefsGuy is playing with a bear with a full beard.  The bearish guy turns my way and does a double-take.

"Hey, again!" he says.  I get closer and instantly recognize him.  He's a bear from Hollywood that I met at one of the parties here a couple years ago.  We ended up playing together for the whole party and then a couple of months later, I fucked him three or four times during an overnighter.

The three of us made out with each other for awhile before I shied away.  Didn't want to be a cockblock.

Back in the porn room, an older guy with a bit of bad breath told me he liked his nips played with.  I started to play and noticed the biggest reaction the rougher I got.  I held onto his hand to prevent him from trying to push my head off him.  Suddenly I felt a guy sucking on me while I was making the nip guy squirm.

"Please," he says in a breathless whispter.  "Why are you so mean to me?"  I honestly knew I was going too far but I couldn't help it.  Just love feeling a guy squirm.

A young latino that was one of many of the onlookers was shy and then came closer and closer until he just kneeled down in front of me and started sucking my cock.  He was cute as fuck.  Dimples.  Cute coy smile.  But my god, he just did not know how to treat my cock.  He thought it was a good idea to scrape his teeth across the shaft and then do the same thing to the head of my cock.  I nearly jumped off the seat.

"Sorry bud.  I'm just really sensitive.  Think I need a break."  I guess it's only fitting that it happened right after I tortured a guy's nips past what he wanted.

I nodded to my buds that were still on the couch as I made my way back to the bedroom.  They ended up camping there the whole night.

HollywoodBearBud was playing with ACBriefsGuy, but things seemed to have progressed.  He was mock fucking ACBriefsGuy and I positioned myself behind HollywoodBearBud so that my cock was poking at him on the backstroke.  Then I heard a sigh from ACBriefsGuy.  I could guess what happened.  His cock slipped in.  I played with HollywoodBearBud's nips the way I knew he liked them while he fucked the dude until the dude turns around and pulls off his cock suddenly.  He comes up to me and whispers, "I want you to fuck your bear bud."  Oh boy.  Directing again.  Not that I mind.  I bend HollywoodBearBud until he's supporting himself on his hands on the bed.  I suit up.  Lube up.  Then slowly insert.  I rushed it a bit.  This will be the fourth orafice my cock's been in that night and it just wanted to fuck.  Unfortunately, it was too much for my bud.  He pulled off.  Then ACBriefsGuy says, "I gotta try this" and gets on his hands and knees on the bed.  I fuck him.  A bit longer than HollywoodBearBud.  But I misjudged how much he could take.  I was fucking full strokes, hitting that second ring and he pulled off too.

And yup.  This all happened with well over dozen onlookers silently watched.  They didn't even try to get involved.

Well, save for one guy that waited until we were done and swallowed my cock in one shot.  Fuck he was good.  Really good.  But still.  I have this thing where oral alone doesn't do it for me.  Not that the guy didn't try.  He really wanted my load.

"Fuck you have a nice, big cock.  And I should know.  I used to recruit for studios.  You ever thought about doing porn?" he asks.  I just laughed it off.  I thought about making a joke about how I just started a new job and I didn't want to burn a bridge by changing career paths just after a week, but I stopped myself.  The dialogue was already hanging there in the room full of people that were just watching each other and just didn't feel right.  After a bit, I tell him I need a break and move away.

On my way out of the room, a scruffy-faced, tall and lean otter type stops me dead in my tracks.  He's extremely handsome.  And so I had his shoulder and whisper to him, "What's up with the shirt?"  Honestly, not my smoothest move but it was something I was wondering about.  There were way too many people that were dressed and among those that were down to their undies it just was a little odd.  It just sets a tone.

"Yeah, right?" he replies.  And I was just too intimidated to go any futher.  I mean, if he at least had his shirt off, I'd take it as a sign that he's at least willing to play.  But it was just too much work to fight through another barrier to see if we're compatible.

I move off and head to the door, but before I did, PornRecruiterGuy drops to his knees and starts to suck me again.  Right in the doorway.  People start to come in but were kinda blocked by us, among them HollywoodBearBud.  We gave each other a shrug and he says, "Yeah, probably not the best place."

"Yeah," I say and start to pull up my undies again.

"Well," PornRecruiterGuy says, "at least now you can say that you have a cock that literally blocks traffic."

I make my way back out and check on the buds that I came with, feeling kinda guilty that I neglected them a bit during the night.  And I walk into the porn room to see TheTwerker awkwardly glancing at GeekyCub next to him sitting down while ACBriefsGuy saddles up and impales himself on GeekyCub's cock.

I love GeekyCub's reaction.  His head immediately flings back and he grips ACBriefsGuy to hold still.  He's been edging all night and is about to explode.  ACBriefsGuy starts in on his orders, softly barking a command for GeekyCub to breed his ass and pretty soon is shooting his load all over GeekyCub right when he feels the first shot shoot up inside his guts.  It was a hot scene.  And as GeekyCub is recovering, ACBriefsGuy is already up and gives me a wink as he passes by.

And then I look over to TheTwerker and I'm pretty sure he's ready to leave.

On the car ride home, I find out that the host made out with TheTwerker while another guy sucked him a little.  I'm glad of that.  He deserves the attention.  And the host generally likes the atmosphere of sex but prefers a more personal one-on-one situation so they are a good match.  Just wish I was there to see him being the stud that he is.

TheTwerker assured me he had a good time even though he didn't partake in much of it.  He was glad for the experience.  But I wanted him to have a better one...  And when we got back to his place, I walked him in on the pretense of needing to piss and softly asked if he'd do me the honor of playing with me.  Soft touches.  Light kisses leading to fervent ones.  And several words of praise of him and his body, frequent reminders and validations of how fucking hot he is.

And then I fucked the cum out of him while his ass milked me of my load.

It was a good note to end on.  I mean, yes, I enjoy the variety.  I have to admit I kinda enjoy being a show-off.  But at the same time, I honor these moments where it's just two and I can feel a guy literally and figuratively, inside and out.  And TheTwerker deserved it.  He has a rather spotty past.  Very quiet and modest, but emotions all bottled.  And as I walk past the door that he had punched through in a drunken rage of doubt and frustration, I hope that he and I empathize on another level.  A night where we're faced with a bunch of doubt and glimmers of excess only to unleash and culminate in a frenzy of emotions that leaves us both spent.  But in a good way.

Stats

So, I made a new years resolution of sorts to not jerk off unless I'm playing with another guy.  And even though I failed on that front 11 times this year so far, I kinda wonder if I just substituted jerking off with lot of sex.

Why do I say that?  Well, let's review the stats of Q1 2016...

• I've had sex 98 times this year.
• 32 times with the hubby
• 66 times outside the relationship
• 38 times with new guys
• 28 times with repeats
• For the most part, the above consists of fucking ass.
• Of the new guys/first contact, playtime consisted of
• Anal Bottom - 2.63%
• Anal Top - 60.53%
• JO - 10.53%
• Oral (Got Sucked) - 26.32%
• If you broaden that to include repeat sessions, the stats are pretty similar except you get a few times where I was sucking or we flip flopped.
• I tend to fuck around with white guys.  I can't tell if that's preference or just opportunity.  Of the new playmates:
• Asian - 5.26%
• Black - 2.63%
• Latino - 28.95%
• White - 63.16%
• I tend to fuck bareback with repeats, but with new contacts I fuck bareback about 61% of the time
• I favor playing with a new playmate (58% of the time)
• What was a little surprising is that I don't really feel the need to cum.  I also don't like guys stroking me off.  Here's a breakdown of where I cum (first contact/new playmates):
• Ass - 42.11%
• I Jerked - 15.79%
• Mouth - 10.53%
• None - 31.58%
• And here's a breakdown of where they cum (first contact/new playmates:
• Ass - 1.52%
• Handsfree - 4.55%
• He Jerked - 28.79%
• I Jerked - 39.39%
• Mouth - 4.55%
• None - 21.21%

Damn, I'm a nerd... And a slut

Porn

"You're a pornographer!"

That exclamation mark just doesn't do it justice. He said it with such vigor and excitement and... well, ironically a little bit of respect. This was over the phone with @misterclarkrogers of tumblr before we met a month ago. He suggested we chat before we meet just to get to know each other and feel it out to see if we're a good fit. You know, get over any of the awkwardness beforehand since we were planning on shacking up together for a couple of nights.

It was a good call - quelled any fears that I was making a mistake. And honestly, the only thing awkward was my relationship with the word "pornographer." He said it with such enthusiasm that I just wasn't sure if I could live up to the conceit that he held. It was something both artistically subversive and politically extravagant, an intentional ruffling of the status quo. No doubt about it, this blog is about pornography but I somehow feel that it's less about promoting a subculture than it is more about a teenager telling a dirty joke to a couple of chums while hidden underneath the bleachers all... and all that under the pretense of some sort of artistic aspirations.

That's where the awkwardness starts. I mean, I really hope I'm not falling into the trap of Trump. Just fucking saying shit that flies off the top of my head without any context of reality, saying things that are politically incorrect just to get a rise. Fuck Trump. Fuck him and the xenophobia that he promotes. I don't wanna even remotely emulate his tactics, so I don't wanna be the guy telling the dirty joke and having people hop on my bandwagon. But at the same time, the flipside to all that is me doing what I do for some sort of grandiose delusion of artistic expression which seems kinda cliched and irks me as well.

Not to say that porn-art isn't interesting. I just haven't responded to it well. For some reason, I get restless and... kinda bored. Like the movie Short Bus? Meh. And then I saw Bruce LaBruce's gay skinhead zombie fuck flick and I was also kinda meh. And even when you rewind and one of my friends who was always on the forefront of everything (he went into baking as an outlet of his artistic expression before all these celebrity bakers started popping up, was an unapologetic hairy cub in his late teens before the representation of such was popular in the media, etc) made an indie flick that toured the queer film festivals that explored pain play, I was preoccupied with me enthusiasm for my friend than with enjoying the film itself.

So on the drive into work today, I was contemplating what I would do as a true porn art project. I think what I came up with also stems from another conversation I had with @misterclarkrogers regarding aging and how to age gracefully. It'd basically be a short where two guys hook up. The bottom would be a furry that's into pup-play, a gaymer with tons of anime drawings on the wall and maybe some Pokemon stuff lying around. The visiting top would be an older guy that immediately judges the "kid" for his rather adolescent interests but then after play realizes that the bottom had all the control. It'd be a short playing with the conflicts in inter-generational play where each perspective is unique yet rich with insight.

Problem is, I suck at filming stuff. I can't frame anything right and the lighting is always wrong. Then I thought I could turn it into a social experiment where the script is open and strangers all film it with their own perspective and it's all edited into one linear story. And that'd be yet another way to articulate the idea of the beauty in sex. A community that hardly ever formally coalesces, but still at it's core the result of pairing individual rich perspectives in an intimate way.

So as I was driving, I was thinking about all this and fantasizing about it as I inched along the freeway. I them realized that these concepts are in itself my own little niche pornography. So I had to document it here.

Because I'm a pornographer.