Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Blog-cation

I've always gone through cycles of greater activity on this blog to less, but this time feels like an especially long trough. I think a large part of it is I just got a lot going on. Moving, new job, stuff like that. Then when faced with the choice of fucking or writing about it, I generally choose the former.

But there's another thing: my relationship to the blog has sorta changed in some interesting ways. I remember on the onset, I just wanted to capture those beautiful moments with a trick. Honor that delicate moment that spans such a comparatively small amount of time and immortalize it. Those little moments of discovery. That achingly human side of what people normally cast off as so trivial and frivolous - the hook up. And honestly it was refreshing to just unleash like that being a guy that's not generally open about that sorta thing to his friends.

Recently, I kinda feel like things have changed.

I made a New Years resolution to only jerk off during sex. No more solo moments of me with tumblr on one hand and my dick in another. My cum loads were kinda bleh and I figured I'd be backed up firing massive loads if I didn't jerk off so much. But it kinda had the opposite effect. I just ended up fucking a whole lot more. Holy crap! I've been traveling for work so the opportunity was there more. I gotta say, though, part of it was also me wanting to find great experiences to write about. And that kinda feels weirdly inauthentic. It's like a cultural anthropologist mucking with the new group of people he's trying to document. How much of it is real and how much is created?

I'll still be writing, but probably not as frequently as I have previously. And I'll be using the other formats as well. I've been posting more visual content on Tumblr and occasionally throwing short thoughts/blurbs on Twitter. Feel free to stalk me across platforms. Ha!

So... How much have I been fucking around? I kinda wondered that too so as you may have remembered, I started to keep a spreadsheet. At the end of June, I looked at it and thought, holy cow. Ha! Time to spend more time focusing on other things besides my dick! Well, just a little. Cause my dick gets into a lot of fun and I'm cool with that. Ha!

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PZPdpnUG4fC0N9Ck7yLwh0JkRjeMgbGBncet3VOlbC8/edit?usp=sharing

More to come! Including a meet with a fellow blogger from NYC!

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Stiffy on the subway

So, I was in NYC lately and there was a moment where I just merely stepped into a crowded subway car and immediately got a stiffy. Not that anyone was hot enough or close enough to cause it but I could totally see someone getting jerked off without anyone else knowing in a fully packed car. And why would I think that would happen? Well, flashback to a couple months ago and I spent the night with a guy that I finally ended up in the same city with. We are both business travelers and have been missing each other just by a day or two as we fly around the states. We've just fucked for well over two hours with two loads sprayed all over my body and one of mine lodged deeply in his hole as he curled into my chest and had a soft moment of reflection. He grew up in Manhattan and he recalled a time where he was still in high school and getting back from school on a crowded car and a guy just started to fondle him. He didn't protest. The first time it happened he came in his undies. The second time he bumped into the same guy in the same route back home, he had his cock hauled out and came all over the front of his pants. The third time? Well, he followed the guy home and they ended up fucking. And that was how he lost his virginity. I have mixed emotions about the story but one thing I'm clear on is how authentic it was. An experience I can't really fathom but nevertheless so breathtakingly real. So when I stepped onto that crowded car, that story came back to me. And more importantly the man behind that story came back to me. All his beauty, all his talents as a lover. A fucking sex pot. And that was my beautifully authentic moment.

So I got hard. Unfortunately, nobody lent a hand so that I could spooge my pants.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Shrugs

He's looking up at the ceiling while he softly ends his sentence with neither the weight of absolute assertion nor the tentative questioning draw of insecurity.  Then he shrugs.  He did it a couple of times over the course of the hours we spent together.  Always at the end of a plainly stated statement that one would like to object to but one is quickly dismissed by those exquisite shoulders, those broad rounded caps that bookshelf nothing less than pure sensual masculinity in between.  It's a powerful move.  I forget the exact statements, but they were just facts.  No more, no less.  It is what it is.  And his shoulders flexed to challenge you to defy the powerful serenity of acceptance.  "I was rather awkward as a child."  Shrug.  "Home ownership is a nuisance."  Shrug.  "The sky is painted with swirls of neon purple."  Shrug.  Okay, maybe I made up that last one, but there's still that tendency to object in some form with all of those statements but the shrug stops you, a shrug that I would normally attribute to some sort of deflection but instead firmly feels sourced in absolute peace.  The fuzz on his chest branches out from the trunk of his abs to reach out to those powerful shoulders.

We're just chatting idly after he shot a massive load on me.  Actually, most of it was over me, hitting the sheets above my head while he was riding me.  I was trying to get through his refractory period so I could fuck another load out of him.  He's just too damn hot to leave after a single load and I was just too intoxicated by everything that is him to follow a coherent thread of conversation.  Wasn't my best work in being a conversationalist.  Random topics that would blurt out my mouth as I struggled to make sense of the things his body in such close proximity was doing to me.

He's only the second tumblr follower that I've played with in real life.  A rather inefficient way to find a hookup but awesome in that I get to see what he's into before we actually meet.  

I gave up the fight and just started pawing at him and his hole.  Hands traced down the swirls across his hairy, solid chest, down the trim waist, and over the firm muscular biker legs that I spread to reveal a massively thick and lengthening cock.  Just one hundred percent pure masculine sexuality.  There's some things that you just can't deny and simply shrug off.

Monday, May 9, 2016

Smile

"I hate LA," LeatherCub says.

I don't take offense.  I've been in LA long enough to know it's not for everyone.  I have my own theories about it.  It usually comes from guys that haven't been here too many years.  And they're usually complaining about the superficial nature of "the industry" and how people are just fake nice.  It's not quite the midwestern nice, but a bit of an arrogant, judgey nice.  And I see it.  But then, I see it in the niches I don't quite frequent.  I've also gotten the disdain from east coasters about the socio-economic and racial segregation in a city of suburban sprawl.  But then, in my travels, I've seen a lot worse.  I kinda wonder which track he's going to go in his contempt for the city.

"So why you hatin'?" I ask.

"I dunno.  The guys here are so damn shallow."

Ah.  The superficial track.

"You can't just leave it at that.  Elaborate," I command as I take a fry and pop it into my mouth and gnosh.  We're at the Del Taco.  One of the few places open after I spent a couple of hours drilling his ass so hard that he constantly feels like he has to pee or poop or something but nothing comes out.  He's not walkin' funny or anything like that.  It's all internal.

"So far, I've only met maybe three guys that I can actually have a decent conversation with.  Something that extends beyond the pleasantries.  It's as if this whole town has gone dumb.  And you know who those three guys are?  One is my boss.  The other is this one guy I dated for awhile.  And the third is you."

"That IS really sad if I'm setting the bar on the high end," I say.  Yeah, I'm not good at accepting a compliment.  Especially when it comes at the cost of the whole city's intelligence level.  "But seriously, we didn't really talk about anything really deep.  Let's see.  We went through a few pop psych terminology and you might be able to say we talked about economic theory if you wanna stretch the truth a bit 'cause I only remember saying how the rental market in Playa Vista is insane right now..."

And really.  I didn't know where he was going with it.  Partially it's because I also know a couple of folks that have quasi-intellectual conversations but they seem so abstract that I wonder where the person behind it is.  It's like they're using big words to deflect people from seeing their authentic selves.  Or better yet, those guys that hold witticism in such high regard but their version of of a witty retort is like a freshly cut bouquet, a beautifully fragile slice of life that's just going to decay.  It's the opposite of a bitchy remark, one that's ripe with aggressively fertile, budding beauty, that I think of as the authentic and yeah.  That's rare indeed.  But I don't think defaulting to conversation and remarks that are easy as shallow.  Lazy maybe, but not shallow.

"Besides," I continue, "you can't expect everyone to have the same life experiences that would make conversations as elevated as you'd like."

"But there's a difference.  You're confident enough to ask and challenge me if you don't understand or don't agree."

"While others just smile and nod?"

"Exactly!  You know what I mean, right?"

I just smile at him blankly.  And slowly nod.

He laughs.  "Fuck you," he says.

"Sure! Now?" I ask.  Yup.  Just me being lazy, stupid and shallow as I turned the conversation back to sex.  I think I'm okay with being shallow.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

More... and less

"Come on, please?  Do it for me?  I'll make sure you have a good time," I tell TheTwerker.  I'm trying to convince him to go to a house party that I just got an invite for.  I've been to a couple of them and have even written about one awhile back.  It's thrown by an Asian guy with a really hot, lean ripped body.  He shares the house with a bigger bear of a man that is never around when these parties are thrown.  However, they also throw parties together that are more social in nature but catered to the bear crowd.  I've been to those too.  And those are more about hanging around the pool, cruising other guys and possibly taking them to the back room designated as a play space.  Just a different feel from the all-out sex party I'm trying to convince TheTwerker to go to.

"I don't know," he says.  "I'm actually really shy and self-conscious about my body."

I wanna slap him.  Over the phone.  But all I can muster is slapping the phone against my forehead.  He has a naturally thick body, but he's far from out of shape.  Not to mention, he has the hottest bubble butt around.

"I'll invite GeekyCub.  At least that way, even if you don't find anyone interesting, the three of us can play."

But I get the same response.  GeekyCub is self-conscious about his body and is hesitant to commit, though I can sense he's very curious.

"But you're hot as hell!  Your body type is totally 'in' right now.  Quintessential bear stud.  With a nice, thick cock."

"Well, yeah, I know YOU like my body but there are those that don't and our community isn't always very kind."

This news is actually kinda new to me.  For both TheTwerker and GeekyCub.  I've always had a good time with these two and since we've had a threeway before, I actually was kinda surprised about their reservations about playing in a larger group.  I made a mental note.  I'm gonna need to nurture the inner stud of these two.  They're cock-blocking themselves and I just can't have that.

Well, after lots of persuasion, they agree to go and fast forward a couple hours, we're rolling through the door.  I greet the host and start stripping in the common room almost immediately just to guide my buds and sorta lead by example because there were a few people walking around fully clothed or stripped to their boxers but with their shirts on.  The host has a rule that he doesn't enforce, but he wants everyone to their underwear.  A means to get the right tone from the start and a vibe that facilitated more action and less cruising.

There are basically three rooms available.  One was the common room/dining room where people were storing their stuff, the other was the living room where there's a giant screen showing some porn, and finally a bedroom that had a curtain instead of a door to block off the light as people come and go from the room.  We started in the porn room and all sat down.  A lot of guys sitting and staring at the screen.  I had GeekyCub to my left and TheTwerker to my right and just started to idly feel them up while we watched.  A few guys start streaming in and one is this beefy cub type with an adorable face.  We make eye contact and he pulls up a piece of floor next to us.  Lots of people grabbing their own crotches and I move my foot over and start feeling up the new cub's calf.  Basically playing footsies.  He starts to play with GeekyCub whose amenable and then starts to scoot over so he's between us.  The kid's hungry.  He doesn't waste any time hauling both our coks out to alternate between the two of us.  GeekyCub pulls him off though.  The excitement is a bit too much.  A tall, toned Asian guy in some Andrew Christian briefs joins the group forming around us and starts to move the cub's head over to me and guiding it down.  Ah.  The director type.  ACBriefsGuy starts quietly spewing porn dialog as encouragement, a whisper that sounds like megaphone-assisted in the otherwise silent room.  The cub gets up from his knees to kiss me and I go one step further and grab him firmly by the waist and hoist him on top of me so that my cock is nestled neatly against his asscheeks as we make out.

My cock starts to pulse precum against his ass.

"Yeah, I want you to fuck your big cock into him and breed his ass," ACBriefsGuy says looking straight into my eyes.

My cocksucker hesitates for a second before resuming to make out with me and then breaks free to whisper in my ear, "You got condoms?"

I nod and he hops off me and makes his way to the dark bedroom while I go back to the common room and rummage through my bag for some condoms and lube.  When I finally caught up with him in the bedroom, there were about a dozen guys already there standing against the walls and idly playing with their bulges, various states of undress.  I'm just surprised that nobody has started playing yet.  But you know me.  I'm not shy.  And I'm don't mind being the catalyst to get the party started.

I reconnected with the cub and make him kneel before me and nurse on my cock some more while I rip open the condom.  Then toss him onto his back onto the bed.  While staring right at his eyes, I slap my cock on his ass and start to tease his hole.  And before he can warn me about how tight his hole is, I'm already up his ass full tilt and his eyes widen and he moans the sound of fulfilled desire involuntarily.  I show off a little.  I pull his legs up and fuck up into him while supporting some of his weight in my tight grip.  I slow to a glide that goes all the way in and out so that he can feel my length.  I lean into him with one hand on his chest, a grip just below the neck with a slow deliberate withdrawl followed by a rough fuck in so that our flesh meets with an obscene smack that thunders through the room.  There's a point where I notice that his eyes come back to focus and he looks around the room.  He wants to be spit roasted but nobody is taking the bait.  I'm surprised as well.  Pretty soon, I find his cock with a free hand and stroke him in time to my fuck and he starts to complain and I shake my head.  His body his mine now.  And he's going to acquiesce to my will and cum.  He shot hard.  He wasn't even finished cumming when he let out a little chuckle and a "oh fuck."

And that was it.  Just a room full of onlookers.

It was kinda awkward.  Just a bunch of silent onlookers.  The cub felt it too.  Felt the need to address everyone.  So he said, "This guy...  He knows how to fuck.  Holy shit!"

I laughed. "Dude.  You're supposed to set the bar low for me."  Didn't quite break the ice.

And that was pretty much the tone of the whole night.  I went to check in and TheTwerker had seen me fuck but then returned to the porn room and just kinda hung out by the couch.  GeekyCub watched a bit and was hard as fuck too, but quickly shied away from anyone that gave him attention.

I went back to the bedroom and ACBriefsGuy is playing with a bear with a full beard.  The bearish guy turns my way and does a double-take.

"Hey, again!" he says.  I get closer and instantly recognize him.  He's a bear from Hollywood that I met at one of the parties here a couple years ago.  We ended up playing together for the whole party and then a couple of months later, I fucked him three or four times during an overnighter.

The three of us made out with each other for awhile before I shied away.  Didn't want to be a cockblock.

Back in the porn room, an older guy with a bit of bad breath told me he liked his nips played with.  I started to play and noticed the biggest reaction the rougher I got.  I held onto his hand to prevent him from trying to push my head off him.  Suddenly I felt a guy sucking on me while I was making the nip guy squirm.

"Please," he says in a breathless whispter.  "Why are you so mean to me?"  I honestly knew I was going too far but I couldn't help it.  Just love feeling a guy squirm.

A young latino that was one of many of the onlookers was shy and then came closer and closer until he just kneeled down in front of me and started sucking my cock.  He was cute as fuck.  Dimples.  Cute coy smile.  But my god, he just did not know how to treat my cock.  He thought it was a good idea to scrape his teeth across the shaft and then do the same thing to the head of my cock.  I nearly jumped off the seat.

"Sorry bud.  I'm just really sensitive.  Think I need a break."  I guess it's only fitting that it happened right after I tortured a guy's nips past what he wanted.

I nodded to my buds that were still on the couch as I made my way back to the bedroom.  They ended up camping there the whole night.

HollywoodBearBud was playing with ACBriefsGuy, but things seemed to have progressed.  He was mock fucking ACBriefsGuy and I positioned myself behind HollywoodBearBud so that my cock was poking at him on the backstroke.  Then I heard a sigh from ACBriefsGuy.  I could guess what happened.  His cock slipped in.  I played with HollywoodBearBud's nips the way I knew he liked them while he fucked the dude until the dude turns around and pulls off his cock suddenly.  He comes up to me and whispers, "I want you to fuck your bear bud."  Oh boy.  Directing again.  Not that I mind.  I bend HollywoodBearBud until he's supporting himself on his hands on the bed.  I suit up.  Lube up.  Then slowly insert.  I rushed it a bit.  This will be the fourth orafice my cock's been in that night and it just wanted to fuck.  Unfortunately, it was too much for my bud.  He pulled off.  Then ACBriefsGuy says, "I gotta try this" and gets on his hands and knees on the bed.  I fuck him.  A bit longer than HollywoodBearBud.  But I misjudged how much he could take.  I was fucking full strokes, hitting that second ring and he pulled off too.

And yup.  This all happened with well over dozen onlookers silently watched.  They didn't even try to get involved.

Well, save for one guy that waited until we were done and swallowed my cock in one shot.  Fuck he was good.  Really good.  But still.  I have this thing where oral alone doesn't do it for me.  Not that the guy didn't try.  He really wanted my load.

"Fuck you have a nice, big cock.  And I should know.  I used to recruit for studios.  You ever thought about doing porn?" he asks.  I just laughed it off.  I thought about making a joke about how I just started a new job and I didn't want to burn a bridge by changing career paths just after a week, but I stopped myself.  The dialogue was already hanging there in the room full of people that were just watching each other and just didn't feel right.  After a bit, I tell him I need a break and move away.

On my way out of the room, a scruffy-faced, tall and lean otter type stops me dead in my tracks.  He's extremely handsome.  And so I had his shoulder and whisper to him, "What's up with the shirt?"  Honestly, not my smoothest move but it was something I was wondering about.  There were way too many people that were dressed and among those that were down to their undies it just was a little odd.  It just sets a tone.

"Yeah, right?" he replies.  And I was just too intimidated to go any futher.  I mean, if he at least had his shirt off, I'd take it as a sign that he's at least willing to play.  But it was just too much work to fight through another barrier to see if we're compatible.

I move off and head to the door, but before I did, PornRecruiterGuy drops to his knees and starts to suck me again.  Right in the doorway.  People start to come in but were kinda blocked by us, among them HollywoodBearBud.  We gave each other a shrug and he says, "Yeah, probably not the best place."

"Yeah," I say and start to pull up my undies again.

"Well," PornRecruiterGuy says, "at least now you can say that you have a cock that literally blocks traffic."

I make my way back out and check on the buds that I came with, feeling kinda guilty that I neglected them a bit during the night.  And I walk into the porn room to see TheTwerker awkwardly glancing at GeekyCub next to him sitting down while ACBriefsGuy saddles up and impales himself on GeekyCub's cock.

I love GeekyCub's reaction.  His head immediately flings back and he grips ACBriefsGuy to hold still.  He's been edging all night and is about to explode.  ACBriefsGuy starts in on his orders, softly barking a command for GeekyCub to breed his ass and pretty soon is shooting his load all over GeekyCub right when he feels the first shot shoot up inside his guts.  It was a hot scene.  And as GeekyCub is recovering, ACBriefsGuy is already up and gives me a wink as he passes by.

And then I look over to TheTwerker and I'm pretty sure he's ready to leave.

On the car ride home, I find out that the host made out with TheTwerker while another guy sucked him a little.  I'm glad of that.  He deserves the attention.  And the host generally likes the atmosphere of sex but prefers a more personal one-on-one situation so they are a good match.  Just wish I was there to see him being the stud that he is.

TheTwerker assured me he had a good time even though he didn't partake in much of it.  He was glad for the experience.  But I wanted him to have a better one...  And when we got back to his place, I walked him in on the pretense of needing to piss and softly asked if he'd do me the honor of playing with me.  Soft touches.  Light kisses leading to fervent ones.  And several words of praise of him and his body, frequent reminders and validations of how fucking hot he is.

And then I fucked the cum out of him while his ass milked me of my load.

It was a good note to end on.  I mean, yes, I enjoy the variety.  I have to admit I kinda enjoy being a show-off.  But at the same time, I honor these moments where it's just two and I can feel a guy literally and figuratively, inside and out.  And TheTwerker deserved it.  He has a rather spotty past.  Very quiet and modest, but emotions all bottled.  And as I walk past the door that he had punched through in a drunken rage of doubt and frustration, I hope that he and I empathize on another level.  A night where we're faced with a bunch of doubt and glimmers of excess only to unleash and culminate in a frenzy of emotions that leaves us both spent.  But in a good way.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Stats

So, I made a new years resolution of sorts to not jerk off unless I'm playing with another guy.  And even though I failed on that front 11 times this year so far, I kinda wonder if I just substituted jerking off with lot of sex.

Why do I say that?  Well, let's review the stats of Q1 2016...

  • I've had sex 98 times this year.
    • 32 times with the hubby
    • 66 times outside the relationship
      • 38 times with new guys
      • 28 times with repeats
  • For the most part, the above consists of fucking ass.
  • Of the new guys/first contact, playtime consisted of
    • Anal Bottom - 2.63%
    • Anal Top - 60.53%
    • JO - 10.53%
    • Oral (Got Sucked) - 26.32%
  • If you broaden that to include repeat sessions, the stats are pretty similar except you get a few times where I was sucking or we flip flopped.
  • I tend to fuck around with white guys.  I can't tell if that's preference or just opportunity.  Of the new playmates:
    • Asian - 5.26%
    • Black - 2.63%
    • Latino - 28.95%
    • White - 63.16%
  • I tend to fuck bareback with repeats, but with new contacts I fuck bareback about 61% of the time
  • I favor playing with a new playmate (58% of the time)
  • What was a little surprising is that I don't really feel the need to cum.  I also don't like guys stroking me off.  Here's a breakdown of where I cum (first contact/new playmates):
    • Ass - 42.11%
    • I Jerked - 15.79%
    • Mouth - 10.53%
    • None - 31.58%
  • And here's a breakdown of where they cum (first contact/new playmates:
    • Ass - 1.52%
    • Handsfree - 4.55%
    • He Jerked - 28.79%
    • I Jerked - 39.39%
    • Mouth - 4.55%
    • None - 21.21%
Damn, I'm a nerd... And a slut

Monday, April 4, 2016

Porn

"You're a pornographer!"

That exclamation mark just doesn't do it justice. He said it with such vigor and excitement and... well, ironically a little bit of respect. This was over the phone with @misterclarkrogers of tumblr before we met a month ago. He suggested we chat before we meet just to get to know each other and feel it out to see if we're a good fit. You know, get over any of the awkwardness beforehand since we were planning on shacking up together for a couple of nights.

It was a good call - quelled any fears that I was making a mistake. And honestly, the only thing awkward was my relationship with the word "pornographer." He said it with such enthusiasm that I just wasn't sure if I could live up to the conceit that he held. It was something both artistically subversive and politically extravagant, an intentional ruffling of the status quo. No doubt about it, this blog is about pornography but I somehow feel that it's less about promoting a subculture than it is more about a teenager telling a dirty joke to a couple of chums while hidden underneath the bleachers all... and all that under the pretense of some sort of artistic aspirations.

That's where the awkwardness starts. I mean, I really hope I'm not falling into the trap of Trump. Just fucking saying shit that flies off the top of my head without any context of reality, saying things that are politically incorrect just to get a rise. Fuck Trump. Fuck him and the xenophobia that he promotes. I don't wanna even remotely emulate his tactics, so I don't wanna be the guy telling the dirty joke and having people hop on my bandwagon. But at the same time, the flipside to all that is me doing what I do for some sort of grandiose delusion of artistic expression which seems kinda cliched and irks me as well.

Not to say that porn-art isn't interesting. I just haven't responded to it well. For some reason, I get restless and... kinda bored. Like the movie Short Bus? Meh. And then I saw Bruce LaBruce's gay skinhead zombie fuck flick and I was also kinda meh. And even when you rewind and one of my friends who was always on the forefront of everything (he went into baking as an outlet of his artistic expression before all these celebrity bakers started popping up, was an unapologetic hairy cub in his late teens before the representation of such was popular in the media, etc) made an indie flick that toured the queer film festivals that explored pain play, I was preoccupied with me enthusiasm for my friend than with enjoying the film itself.

So on the drive into work today, I was contemplating what I would do as a true porn art project. I think what I came up with also stems from another conversation I had with @misterclarkrogers regarding aging and how to age gracefully. It'd basically be a short where two guys hook up. The bottom would be a furry that's into pup-play, a gaymer with tons of anime drawings on the wall and maybe some Pokemon stuff lying around. The visiting top would be an older guy that immediately judges the "kid" for his rather adolescent interests but then after play realizes that the bottom had all the control. It'd be a short playing with the conflicts in inter-generational play where each perspective is unique yet rich with insight.

Problem is, I suck at filming stuff. I can't frame anything right and the lighting is always wrong. Then I thought I could turn it into a social experiment where the script is open and strangers all film it with their own perspective and it's all edited into one linear story. And that'd be yet another way to articulate the idea of the beauty in sex. A community that hardly ever formally coalesces, but still at it's core the result of pairing individual rich perspectives in an intimate way.

So as I was driving, I was thinking about all this and fantasizing about it as I inched along the freeway. I them realized that these concepts are in itself my own little niche pornography. So I had to document it here.

Because I'm a pornographer.