Musings: Cockiness and Indifference

So is it just me or do a lot of tops put on airs of being so self-assured and cocky that they almost regard you with indifference?  I don't quite get it.  I'd like to think that when I hook up with my bottoms, they have my full attention and even if they feel trashy and utterly used afterwards like a piece of meat, they'll still know that for those moments I was an active participant and they were unequivocally the source of my lust.  Every now and then, I don't let the fact that I'm hitting on a top bother me and we end up meeting on the pretense of swapping oral (but me knowing full well I am going to do every trick in my book to try to flip them).  And more often than not these days, I end up hooking up with a guy that just seems to go through the motions as if sex was routine maintenance of the body...  as utterly unsexy as clipping one's nails (though, I have a hunch that the domain SexyMenWithNailClippers.com is taken...  just a hunch).

Let me offer you a case study:
Bobby is a recent east coast transplant.  From DC, to be specific, and works in retail management.  Beautiful masculine form.  160 pounds of testosterone packed in a 5'9" frame.  Beefy and fit with a little bit of padding.  A guy that's settled nicely into his body.  Full beard, trimmed and perfectly rakes the nerve endings in my back and fluffs them to full attention when he glides his cheek down the valley of my back to the mounds of my ass.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Bobby has a penchant for hitting up chasers on Growlr for some action.  I took the bait.  Hell, I ate that line up knowing full well I'd sail through the air and land in his apartment flopping around.  The fucker was hot.  But when he opened the door, the wall came up.  Defenses up, making out with him didn't seem quite as intimate.  When I dropped to my knees, I gobbled him up greedily and tongued his balls while his cock was buried down my throat.  He kissed all around mine before he swiped his tongue a couple of times across the length and stood up for me to continue sucking his.  No dice.  I'm not gonna do that.  Instead, I wrestled him onto the couch and we ground into each other for awhile.  When he got me on my stomach, he scraped his beard down my back and fuck that gave me goosebumps.  But it was all an accident on his part.  He was on his way down to rim me and try to get me to relent and bottom for him.  Instead, I clammed up and it just didn't work out.

Slight digression: I haven't met that many total tops.  Even I get the itch to bottom every now and then and my partner is closeby to take advantage of that.  But I'm gonna really have to want it to make it work out right.  Otherwise, it's like jamming your hand up a vending machine to steal your favorite snack only to find out that it's 10 years past its expiration date and tastes like shit (hm...  bad choice of words maybe).  AND THEN the vending machine is down for repair for like months afterwards.  Strapped down with yellow caution tape.  Back the fuck up or else.

Back to Bobby.  He tried to rim me but that made me tense up so instead he just laid on top of me and started to dry hump me for like two seconds before he reared up and let a load fly up across my back.  Handsfree.  Searingly hot cum slicing up my back and pellets of white hot heat raining down in succession.  It was quick and totally unexpected.

Afterward, I made an offhand comment about wanting to flip fuck someday and his eyes lit up for a second before the defenses came back up and it was like "Sure.  Yeah.  Whatever."  So we made tentative plans to meet again in a week and then I didn't really hear back so made other plans.  I mean, I got such a lukewarm response, I really didn't think he was into me.  I, on the other hand, had no squabbles letting him know that he's like living porn to me.  Rewound and played over and over until the tape broke.  Permanently stuck in my VCR and you'd know exactly which scene brings me over the edge every time cause the same part comes up every time you turn on the machine and the clip gets kinda crinkled and snowy at that part.  How he felt about me?  Meh. I was a chemistry experiment and although I worked as a catalyst producing the right result, there were better things out there to concoct.

Or so I thought.

The day comes and he's all jazzed about flip fucking and I'm like, "Huh?"  He made all sorts of arrangements and cancelled with friends and the president called asking if he could help bring world peace but he had to postpone that for another time because he has a date with an Asian hottie that he fucked around with the other week and wants to be inseminated by him over and over until it oozes out of his body like sweat.

WTF?!

So he realizes his mistake by showing his disappointment and suddenly goes cold again.  Wall is up.  Defenses high.  Back to indifference.

And I think he just begs off and says he has to go clip his nails.