Knowing

"Have you bred any guys lately?"

He asks that a lot.  Almost every time we chat online.  And I'm never quite sure how to answer that.  Does he really want to know?  He's clearly talking about barebacking, not just whether or not I've had any tail lately.  Usually, I'm more than happy to swap war stories.  The sexual side of me doesn't get aired out that frequently.  Hell, a large part of the cheating is the secrecy of it all.  Every now and then, I get a guy that curls up into my arms after taking a load deep inside his guts and we just let go and start talking.  You know, the whole "I-haven't-fucked-like-that-in-forever" talk that then leads to comparing notes and stories about the last encounter and then the one before that and the one before that.  Just a fellow pig, wallowing in our filth physically over the cold, wet, and smelly sheets as well as mentally as we let loose with stories of depravity.

But this guy... I'm not so sure.  I can't tell if he's trying to gauge how much of a whore I am before he commits to meeting again or if he's just airing out his thoughts and stories.  The funny thing is that he knows about this blog.  I'm not sure how he stumbled onto it but he had used the Google+ friend connect to give a discreet, "Hello."  So I'm not sure why I'm being so guarded.  I feel like a bit of a fraud playing so chastely coquettish.

But eventually we get to meet.  And fuck if I'm blown away each time (we've played three or four times previously).  Southern guy in his late forties, salt and pepper hair, with a tinge of restrained raspiness in his voice.  Beautiful light eyes.  And then that body...  Fuck, he's fit.  Not muscular in a way that strains against his frame in a top-heavy way, but completely toned and trim.  A guy that would lightly jog over to you at the finish line of a marathon and casually ask if you wanna go on a hike later, not a bit winded from running 26+ miles.  And that ass?  Don't get me started.  Beautiful round bubble butt that is completely firm to the touch.  I get hard just thinking about the exercises he does to get that ass in shape...  that amount of muscle control back there...

And when we meet, it sparks up that friendly kinship that is completely at odds with what I know he likes.  He has a penchant for young, twinkish dom tops that are just looking to use his hole to get off in.  Wrapped only, but otherwise no holds barred relentless pounding.  He showed me a video once: a young, hung top relentlessly pistoning into his hole while he squealed in delight.  And I mean squealed.  He's one of those guys that lose vocal control when he's getting fucked.  Just complete abandon with his gasps, moans, and cries for less/more/who knows?  It's just unintelligible screaming with no volume control.  Love a guy that just lets it go like that.  No theatrics, though.  It's real.  He's quite a restrained guy with that quiet raspiness.  But in bed, you get his legs in the air and his needs take over and he's just howling in both a begging and painful way.  And the change in pitch or volume or type of sound that comes out is always in tune with what you're doing.  One time, I even playfully put my hand around his throat to soften his cries and instead, that symbolic move of power made him whimper even more and harder and louder.

What he gets from me is different though.  We make out and I'm forceful, but complementary.  Sure, I drill him hard, but I also just push into him to the root and hold so that he can feel how deep I am, how connected we are.  I fuck the snot out of him, but I also slow down and let him feel the full length of my cock invading his hole.  I hold his arms down, pull his hair, grab him by the neck...  but I also repeatedly go down on him to suck him hard no matter how hard he tries to push me away.  He's usually soft while getting fucked so any attention to his dick makes him embarrassed, but I push until I feel him relent and let go of those self-conscious thoughts to just enjoy what I'm making his body feel.  And when we 69, I'm on top fully face fucking him and knowingly blocking out air passages until his eyes tear up, but I'm also giving him one helluva blowjob and I feel his dick respond to the abuse while I'm tearing up his throat.

And to an outsider, what's really different is that with me, we sometimes fuck raw.  For the second time, I had his legs over my shoulder, my cock nudging his hole and when I started to reach for the condoms, he held me tighter and used those amazing ass muscles to line up and start to open up to me.  That feel of a hole opening up to me is just irresistible and I sink in deep on one slow push.  Then came a lengthy bit of play while I traced every muscle in his body while I maneuvered him into the position that felt best for the both of us.  I love how compact he is and how flexible.  I can drag him across the bed and twist him about with little effort.  He's doing acrobatics.  I'm fucking hole.  And for the first time, I fucked the cum out of him,  I had to pause and suck him to the brink, but for the first time, he came while I was inside him and fuck if those muscles didn't squeeze tight.

And for another first since we've ever met, he just lied there panting, totally winded.  He tried to say something but it all came out in gasps.  I laughed and flopped down next to him, grabbed his arm, and pulled him over until he curled up into me, my one arm idly tracing random patterns up and down his back.  We chatted as he recovered.  Apparently he just came out of a brief relationship where, surprisingly, he was the top.  Then we started chatting about our regulars, his roommie.  My partner.  He admitted to not having read my blog in awhile.

Then, when we were about to wrap things up, he remarked with mixed amazement and disappointment that I didn't cum.

"Ha!  That's because I held off.  I could have easily cum in your ass," I said pretty casually.

His eyes clouded over a bit and he retreated a bit back inside himself.  That warm kinship between us throughout the night turned chilly and I was left thinking yet again, how much does he really want to know?